Domestic Violence - A Personal Account

I used to be the stronger of the two of us… me and my sister. Every time mum came home my sister would be the one to cry and I’d be the one keeping my eye on her. Things soon changed.

Ever since I can remember I’ve loved going to school, mainly to escape. I’d take up every after-school activity that I could because I knew that if I went home she’d be drunk and abusive. Even when I was in primary school I remember having to check all the pubs in the area for my mum so I could get into the house after school.

It got worse when my sister was in high school… she started answering my mum back… that just made things worse. My mum would lash out at her and I’d be screaming at both of them to stop fighting. It seemed at first that it was just my sister being awkward and upsetting her… but I soon learned otherwise.

One incident I remember clearly… mum was drunk as usual and my sister had her friend round. Mum started shouting at sis and kicked her. So my sister defended herself. Dad heard all the noise and ran downstairs and tried to drag mum off her. He got her off my sister and tried to get her out the house. She put up a fight and I was so scared that dad was going to get hurt. This is just one occasion that I can remember… there are many more like this one… but there is one night that will stick in my mind forever.

It was late… surprise surprise mum was drunk yet again. She had been sleeping on the sofa for about a month because she and dad kept arguing, it was her choice to sleep downstairs. Only on this night she decided to sleep upstairs. I slept in the room down the hall to theirs and I started to hear talking… it was mum… saying things like ‘why are you in here? Get out of my room.’ Dad didn’t and mum started shouting. I was scared, sat up in bed I put my ear to the wall so I could hear them better. I heard a lot of moving about so I got up and sat outside their door. Then I heard banging and a LOT of shouting and screaming. I couldn’t take it. I ran into their room and saw mum… punching dad… in the head. I was panicking so much, crying and screaming at her to get off him. She kept punching him… he was flailing his arms around trying to stop her from hurting him. But it wasn’t working. I had to get her off him. I ran to mum and grabbed her wrists trying to pull her off of him but she kept punching and I kept screaming at her to stop. I managed to drag her off him and she stormed out of the room. So I went into my sister’s room which was right next to my parent’s room and dad followed to see if I was ok. I was in shock crying and I could hardly breathe.

We heard mum coming back upstairs so we shut ourselves in my sister’s room and listened. It sounded like she was hitting something… I went to find out and quietly looked through the gap in her door… she had a knife. She was stabbing the wall. She kept saying things like she wanted to kill my dad… and kill herself. I heard that and panicked. I heard her getting a bottle of pills out her bag and I ran into her room and shouted at her. STOP IT! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? YOU’RE SCARING ME. STOP IT. She replied… she said that none of us cared about her… so then why was I risking myself getting hurt to stop her? Why was I asking her to stop? I remember feeling so lost and I slid down the wall and sat crying. Not knowing why she was doing this to us. I got out of the room and heard her stabbing the walls again. We were all scared and my sister said she wanted to go to the police. We got our shoes on and got out of the house. I saw mum at the window… she opened it… and threw a meat fork at me… she was trying to kill me! It only missed my head by about an inch. I was shaking so bad.

We didn’t know what to do… my sister stayed at her friend’s house, me and dad at my grandmas.

There were a lot of incidents before this one… but this was the night my whole life changed.

The next day mum was out when we got home… all I remember was my dad breaking down, crying. I’d never seen him like this before and it scared me. I couldn’t do anything to help him… at least I thought I couldn’t. I asked him why he didn’t get a divorce… why didn’t he try to get away from her if she was doing this to us. He asked me and my sister what we would think of him if he filed for a divorce… basically he was asking for our permission to get away from the woman that made his (and our) life a living hell.

That was about 3 years ago now… and how are things for me now?

I’m coping well and I’m starting a new life away from my mum… we still see her around… and she still drinks… but maybe she’ll realise what she has lost.

3 years ago I wouldn’t sleep until I knew my mum was asleep. I would pretend to be asleep but I wasn’t. I had to protect my sister and dad… even though I was the youngest it seemed that only I had a slim chance of controlling her…

It’s funny the things you remember… there was one time she was drunk and I heard her fall down the stairs. Even though she had done so much to hurt us and drive my family apart, I still went to her, picked her off the floor and helped her into bed… she’d hurt her hand and I remember telling her that it would hurt for a few days but she’d be ok… she seemed so vulnerable like a child… not like some violent beast.

I know that my mum’s violence was down to her drinking… but that was no excuse… she was still violent.